Sunday, November 27, 2011

holiday blues

Thanksgiving is a time for the three F's.  Family.  Food.  Football.  It is a time of rejoicing and being grateful for everything and everyone we have in our lives.  It is for apple cider and blankets.  It's for scoring for our favorite teams.  It's for spending time with out of town family.  It's for warm fires and snuggling. But mostly it's about the food, right?

I managed to actually stay within my goal and only use 4 extra points for Thanksgiving Day.  I had the turkey and all the fixings and still managed to stay on plan.  I was so proud of myself.  The next morning, I cooked myself a good breakfast and had a very smart buffet lunch at a family function. I was so on track and loving it. Nothing could stop me.  I could feel myself getting skinnier with every bite of carrot I took.

My family and I were on our way to a hockey game and it hit me...this incredible urge to eat everything I could possibly get my hands on.  "...you can have a nice salad," rang in my ears and I didn't hear another word of the conversation.  I know it was out of love and wanting to be supportive, but I didn't want a salad.  And I didn't want to be told what I could and couldn't have.

By the time I got home and everyone else had gone to sleep, the urge was so bad that I just gave in and ate that dreaded midnight snack.  As I was eating, I was thinking, I'm not even hungry, I don't want this, why am I doing this?  Stop. Stop.  Please, stop.  But I didn't.  It was almost like I couldn't.  That's the moment I realized what a bitch this inner fat girl really is.  And how truly hopeless it feels to be addicted to something.

This is a brutal battle and I'm ready for the fight.  I had a bad day, but there will be so many great days to come, I'm excited to live them.  In the spirit of the holiday, I'll close by saying that I am eternally grateful for the friends and family I have that support me in this journey.  I am thankful for the encouragement and support and love I am shown by each and every person that stands with me on this road to recovery.  This truly is a road to recovery and I appreciate everyone that is sharing it with me!  xoxo

1 comment:

R. Aaron Stanley said...

I'm trying to think before I eat too. It's difficult. For weeks I have been craving a fast food cheeseburger. For weeks I have been able to not eat one, but that damn craving isn't going away.

word on the street is...